I'm still reeling a little, but it's gentle today. I want to project a healthy entitlement, the divine right. And a good sense of self worth. I choose for my relationships, all my relationships to not be those of torture. Find the sweetness in each one. Beautiful friendships to be in gratitude for. And, I am so grateful. Maybe I don't know how to be in a relationship without pushing...pulling. Or maybe it's my skewed view of identification with value through that avenue. Today, in this, I am forced to be real and see who I am showing up as. Is she a faker, will she become fickle...? Will I run? Being validated in some ways and not in others...why not just accept the validation given. Why need more? Why is it not enough? I sometimes use sarcasm as a way to gain validation, little digs here and there ushering a response needed. I see I don't want to be that girl ether, the girl looking for validation for everything and then even wanting more.
Sometimes, there is future talking, rambling, funny short day dreams...meant to be actualized or not...? Maybe there is gift is the impermanence of the day dream it self. What ever it is, the set up is alluring. It's a rush. Watching as the connections change my energy, ignite something inside, where my breath becomes short, my eyes fill with deepness...trying to tame it leads to frustration. The pull is too strong to fight. I surrender it again and again, offering myself to her and ask her for her guidance and clarity. I am in trust that all is exactly as it should be. The pathway is shown, the ground beneath strong and expansive, the way is lit......
I can have it...what ever that may be~
#surrender #havingness #relationships #healthyentitlement #divineright #gratitude
Note for Google Chrome users:
Hi, It appears that the RSS Feed works better with any other browser, than Chrome. You can still read the post, yet there is code mixed in. Sorry bout that. It's just the way these web thangs go. Thanks for reading.